I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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