Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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