I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize