Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
