What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
