come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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