alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
