I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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