he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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