Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
