I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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