She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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