It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I came so hard my ears popped.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
