After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
