Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
