yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
