Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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