after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
