U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
