i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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