I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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