do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Randomize
