Don't make out with my wife yet
I bet he comes in French.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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