My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
