i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
