Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
