yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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