Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
