Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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