I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
