I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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