oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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