Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we're making bets on your personal life
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
