You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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