My Higher Power is John Stamos
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
