i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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