; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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