I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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