i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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