We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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