why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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