Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
