hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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