if i can run in heels then i can drive
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
