I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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