sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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