This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
