I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
