I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
