I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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