I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
