I molested 6 butterflies tonight
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is Oprah even human
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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