your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I look better un-naked...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
