sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
