I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
