I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My feet surprised me
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