Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
