can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
