i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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