READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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