I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize