What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
