ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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