..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i drank out of a bidet.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
