Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
