i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
