I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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