I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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