The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
