For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
