it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
