omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
