Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My life is pants optional.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
