apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
